The Candle

Fervently the candle glows
Atop the bale of hay.
Dripping down,
Without a sound
Humbly day by day.
What lies beneath
Is sure to catch
A spark, a glimpse of light.
the dry will burn,
but we will learn
What's lush will last the night.

Speechless.

After everything--
After all the uncertainty,
the insecurity,
the hurt and the pain,
After turning away
day after day
I just want to say:

Thank You.

Thank you for being there
When no one else was.
Thank you for finding me
When I was stuck in a rut.
Thank you for healing me
When no one could see the wounds.
Thank you for forgiving me
When I thought I was ruined.
Thank you for saving me
When I know I don't deserve it.
Thank you for your sacrifice
Its your son who thought me worth it.

Praise to the Father-
All-Mighty and Holy,
Praise to the Son-
To Him be the Glory,
Praise to the Spirit-
With which we Overcome,
Praise be to God-
The Trinity in One.

One More Breath

Darkness falls.
Salty tears of despair.
An unanswered question...

Why?

Why am I so cold?
Why am I alone?
Why isn't Mommy here
To dry these tears i cry?
Why isn't everything alright?

Why?

The naivete of them all.
These children, now orphans
All alone,
Drowning in their tears of bitter unknowing,

Reality haunts thir minds,
Concealing a dagger of truth
Oh, so stealthily.

Oh unmerciful Mother Nature!
Why?
Why couldn't you spare these naive eyes?
A child, knowing death
No longer thinks through a child's mind.

Children! Oh children!
Believe that the sun will rise over death!
Wait for the light.....

Take another breath.

Titled

I wish.
I want.
I can't have.
I don't know.

Enticed.
Entranced.
Eager.
Empty.

Tick Tock Time
Teaches us to Tie
Tattered ends Tightly.

Embrace me.
Entertain me.
Let me be
Your Epiphany.

I am
a memory
a fleeting thought
a regret
a chance
a fleeting thought
a plan
am I

An Incomplete Thought

There's a million dead end roads out there,
And a billion broken hearts.
But just by chance
A passing glance
Could find perfection that's off the charts.

Untitled

She's a little much,
And a little overloaded.
With everything she wants
And nothing she needs,
She loses it slowly.

She's unsatisfied.
But what can she do?
She pours it out, and takes it in,
But there are holes in her soul,
And values slip like sand.

Her heart is on her sleeve
On her hips and on her lips.
She'll get what she wants,
But it won't last.
No it won't last.

She takes what he gives,
And gives what he takes,
But he isn't the only one
Smiling her way.
He isn't the only one
She'll invite to play.

She's a mess in a dress
With something to prove
With an emptiness inside
With a heart to soothe.

She's a little much,
And a little more than broken.
She's trying but,
What she needs
Is a little less of what she wants.

Nonfiction

Floating
and and and
Not sure.

hm.


can't tell how dark it is.
but the dark has never felt more flawless....
But I can see the cracks.


huh, there must be some light then.
But there's no point.
...
well, i guess there is a point, and that's the problem.
A point, an end.
The end of the diving board.
Jump?
Sounds fun :]

But that's the end.
Road block. brick wall.
Ouch.

poisonous...
oh no :[
don't go don't go don't go
please :[

learn. I want to, you need to.
I shouldn't, you should.

Can't make you stay.
Wish I could.
Mistake--mistakes.
chain reactions.


catastrophe.


last to be lost,
first be to caught--stuck
but I know exactly where I am.



....what pages are we on?

A Sonnet, But Not Really.

Well hello paper, where have you been?
I've got a date with disaster, but I don't know when.
You've seemed kinda distant the past couple of days
But please hear me out, get me out of this phase.
I'm tryin' to make sense between my heart and my mind,
But as time goes on I think I'm falling behind.
My thoughts can't quite get rid of this pen
And I'm afraid of the fix as the ink sets in.

So hide me away between your lines
Give me time to decipher the purpose divine.
Lose me in lyrics, in love less vain
Let harmony fill this spirit again.
Find me in friendship forever to last
With trust in our bones and the past in the past.

2 Dimensions

Falter and stumble
Choke on the truth.
But honey you always knew how to smile through.

Cuddle and coo,
Shelter you,
But never, no never
Did light shine through.

Hollow are you
That questions confused
Why, How, What did I do?

Searching for answers
For satisfaction
For her
Don't you know?
Don't you care?
She was never the cure.

A smile, a kiss
surely its bliss
A lie, a cheat
Alone you sleep.

Learn to walk without the crutch
I promise you won't need it much
If you fall, just take my hand
I'll help you try to understand.

And when its dark I hope you'll see
The girl with the light in her eyes is me.

Nothing Special

Don't try to impress me,
Caress me,
I can't carry your heavy heart.
I just want a sunset
With a simple silhouette
And a night under the stars.

The Meadow

The meadow was deep in thought that night.
She sighed soft wind.
He hadn’t been here in quite some time.
Since he was a little boy who dreamed of
Dinosaurs and airplanes.

Yet here he was.
Writhing under the Willow tree.

Fire burning through his veins,
Clutching, he uproots the cool grass beneath his burning body.
His uniform—torn and stained.
His duty—lost.
His heart—desperate, pounding frantically in all directions.

Escape—
Just trying to escape;
Please—.

The booming ticking bellowed in every corner of his brain.
Every, Passing, Second—
Was striking gunfire.
Each breath—numbered.

And so the meadow hummed.
Seamlessly, a melody of tranquility blanketed the tortured soul.
Such a serene lullaby, just barely audible,
Yet so powerful it hushed the furious ticking.

Then somewhere inside, the gavel fell, breaking.
Breaking chaos,
Breaking into silence.
He laid motionless under the weeping limbs.

Time said nothing as it let go its firm grasp on the man.
Poised was the meadow.
With her slender emerald blades,
She caressed his sweated brow.
Embracing him,
She whispered sweet memories of harmony
Until the bruises faded like ripples in a pond.

When his mind came to order
And his heart rested at ease,
He opened his eyes, and he found peace.

What Now?

Well it slapped me in the face.
It didn't look right.
It distorted you.

I thought it was part of the past.

But who am I to say?
Only your best friend
With your best interests in mind.

But it's still your life.

I just didn't expect it.
At least not from you.
She doesn't care what example she sets,
But do you?

Where are you going?
And where have you been?

She can be who she wants.
She's chosen and devoted.
But you have dreams and goals and aspirations,
You're light of a different color.

But for the first time,
I couldn't see you shining.
Just a dull glow,
Slow.

Just thought you should know
I didn't like it.
I didn't know you.
If it matters,
Then please, just say no.

Weird Mood

Say hello
to night's seduction
change the color of your eyes
but don't let them see.

Don't analyze.
Don't you analyze.

You're all behind the same mask
So nobody knows who you are in the daylight
and everyone pretends to accept it.

But you can't hide from yourself
and I know you've been questioning.
You want to sit down
and have a heart-to-heart
with yourself
on the off-chance
you might figure out
why you do the things you do.

Oh, so many questions.

How much is organic?
How much is rehearsed?
What do you even care about?

What are you standing on?
Is it still there?
Will it be there tomorrow?

United in the night,
you're boldly stepping forward
In the direction the blind before you stepped,
but are you getting anywhere?

Stand proud,
Look invincible.
But who's looking?

The only thing any of you ever see
are blurs of self-concern.

Mouths that talk
repeat and reapply.

Be what's expected,
But that's only an idea.
All you are is a dimension or two.

Create.
Be you're own expectation.
The night has no say
Tonight.

Don't you dare analyze.

Subway Strangers

She had never known freedom.
Had never broken free from her strings
Had never felt the sensation of a life lived
Had never seen what she could do
Until one September night
He opened her eyes.

It wasn’t rushed;

It was eye contact.
It was the corner of his lips that slowly slid up.
It was the way that one small movement
Took her attention by the hand
And escaped the confines of the crowded subway car.
All from his regular Sunday spot:
Second last seat on the left.

His gaze was steady
Soaking in her every sigh.
She knew he had her figured out
Down to the adrenaline shooting through her veins.
He was in her head.
On her mind.
While silently standing in her front right corner,
She was losing control.
And he was cutting the strings--
One by one.

Never a word spoken between them
For the past two months
Since she had tied herself down in the city.
Yet he knew her every thought
And she knew his every breath.

Games of glance tag
Led to studies of habit
Led to intrigue and weak knees
Barely able to stand it.
Electricity charging the air
The people weren't staring
But they wouldn't care.
It was personal.
It was perfect.
It was her stop.

Snip

The jolt had jarred her back to reality.
And she shook him out of her head
Long enough to cross the threshold
Onto the fading yellow line
Under the dim florescent bulbs.
A backwards glance
Giving her one more heartbeat than she needed.

Her heart was still racing as she unlocked her door.
The night was young
But her lids were heavy
As she closed her eyes to remember his gaze.
She laid herself down to calm her thoughts.
She counted each thump in her chest
Until a different thump opened her eyes.

She knew she was walking to the door
And saw her hand turn the knob
But she was only paying attention
To the excitement building in her bones.

His eyes
Were the blue
Of the heart
Of the hottest
Of fires.

And he was smiling.

“Hi”

It took her
Several moments
To process this
Common greeting
From such
An uncommon
individual.

“Hey”

“Let’s go”

Her hand was in his,
And they went.
Wordless, they ran through the night
Shadowed paths
Hiding them from each passing second.

Down the street—
Up the alley—
Turn the corner—
Over the fence—
Under the stars—
Be together.

He stole her away from the city that night.
Into the towering trees—
Through the thick—
Running—Running—
Pushing aside crimson, gold branches—
Revealing a passage
Where a lake lay hidden in the heart of the forest.

A small lamp gleamed by the boathouse
Inviting them in its peaceful glow
Nestled in the trees.
They slowed their pace
Slowed their hearts
And stopped time.

The water was silver that night—
A glass textured with drifting autumn
The sight,
Indescribable.

She fell back to the damp wood under the lamp

“I—I can’t even find words—“

He never let go as they stood toe to toe

“When have we ever needed words before?”

His lips turned up as he lightly shook his head.
Then,
Those blue eyes bore into hers
And ignited.

Thunder boomed and the rain came down
But it wasn’t the weather that caught her breath.
Entranced, she saw the passion in his soul
The raw excitement—
The moment.

The energy shook inside them
Until the laughter broke from their hearts
And they dashed down the dock
Their spirits on fire.

The ripples danced around them
The forest sang of harmony
The water, warm
They entwined their hands once more
Soaked in sweet bliss
And everything was right.

~

There were no words
As the sunrise pushed the second hand forward.

A small smile played on her lips
As the rays scattered in the blue.

Her silent gaze thanked him
For cutting her free
That one September night.

Different

Sometimes...
I wish you could remember
Everything that has happened.
Every stunning moment
That passed by in an instant.
I wish your eyes were open
To see every stumble
I would have never wanted you to see.
I wish I would have known
What was going through your head.
So I could pretend like
I knew what I was doing.
I would have done things differently.
With every smile you'll never ignite
With every tear you'll never wipe away
There will be a memory of what used to be.
What you wanted to forget,
What you did forget,
What you couldn't control.
I believe
There will come a time
When you wish
You would have done things differently.
But we're traveling one way streets
In different directions
And time was never on our side.
You will never know
My secrets
You will never know
My dreams
You will never know
What I'll be doing on August 9th, 2012.
But the world moves on
Whether I want it to or not.
When I knew something was wrong,
When everything got quiet.
When I couldn't stop the memories
From dominating my thoughts.
When I just wanted to know
If my words were heard,
If they were recognized,
If they were appreciated.
When all I wanted to know
Is what I could do
To fix everything
To bring you back
So you could know
How much you mean to me.
How things should have been different.

Thoughts

I don't know why
You haunt my dreams.
I can't stand how
No matter how many times
I tell myself
You don't have an effect on me
I can't seem
To stop thinking about you.

I wish I could
Fix all your problems.

I wish my own problems
Wouldn't stop me from doing so.

I just want
My heart and my head
To start working together
So this could be a little easier.

If I could,
I'd go deep into your mind,
And tell the silence
To stop feeding you lies.

I'd sing your heart
A lullaby
So it would
Slow the adrenaline
Pumping through your veins.

I'd make it so
The chaos in your head
Calms
So it wouldn't hurt so much
To fight back
Anymore.

I would; If I could
Change your world.
But baby steps, my friend
Is all I can take right now.

My silent prayers
Are the one thing
My heart and my head
Are in together.

Security Sanctuary

Let isolation surround me
As the pouring rain guards
My fragile soul.

Let the darkness comfort me
Assuring me no one can hear
My silent screams.

Let the thunder cry loud
As the lightning flashes through
My blind eyes.

Let my heart beat be
The only pulse letting me know
I am alive.

Let the clouds
In my head
Come into focus.

Let my eyes open
To this place where
I know that I'm safe.

Let the chaos calm
And rest the drama
That ignited broken truth.

Let me find that peace
buried deep under
The bedlam inside of me.

Just please don't let
That burning light
Be the dawning of reality.

Not Meant to Be

What can I say
To get him to see
Our love for each other
Was not meant to be?

What can I do
So he understands
Our chemistry
Is not in our hands?

Why can't he accept
That we're not the same.
We're on different levels
In love's cruel game.

We're both puzzle pieces
That just won't fit;
Niether willing to change
Or conform a little bit.

But theres other pieces out there
That will fit just right.
For each of us, they're out there
Worth fighting the good fight.

We've tried it out
And found a small spark
But our big differences
Left us in the dark.

Life is taking us
Down different roads
With some shared moments
But different places to go.

I will shed a tear
He will never see
And hope he can accept
We're just not meant to be.

Spontaneous Inspiration

So here I am

Bring on the light

Cuz nothing feels quite alright

Ive come face to face with reality

And it aint bright

I cant stand it anymore

I have to fight

Cuz how lifes bin treatin me

just aint right.

So when lifes choke hold

Gets a little to tight

Im gonna break free

Im gonna find that sight

Im gonna break free

Itz just how it has to be

I gotta feel that fresh air

Inside of me

I cant stand aside

And watch as the catastrophe

Takes form

Formin around me

Im not gonna take that

Cuz lifes bin a lil too had lately

And If I dont fight back

Ill have to wait and see

Just wat the world is like

When hit with reality.

Through the Nights

As the sun sinks down

And the night creeps in

A single tear falls

From eye to cheek to chin.

You had an effect on me

Like no one before

With that wonderful spirit

That I simply adored.

Your laugh and your smile

With your gentle touch

Sent my heart soaring

Turning me to mush.

I remember so clearly

Of the days I spent with you

And now I sigh

For you never really knew.

I have myself to blame

For cowering in fear

Of taking the risk

Of letting you near.

Never admitting

What you meant to me

A fear of rejection

Was all I could see.

No longer do I see you

Since our paths divided

Why do I still think of you?

I haven't quite decided.

Now deep in my heart

A sad little girl sits

In a dress damp and grey

Torn to tattered bits.

She sits in isolation

With only her tears and dreams

Shrouded in darkness

Lost in her silent screams.

And during these nights

Knowing not what to do

The little girl weeps

In remembrance of you.

Her tears are black

From that cold cowering fear

Her eyes are hollow

Where love fails to appear.

Her arms are weak

For she has no one to hold

Her hair is slovenly

She appears so old.

But even through this

She still has hope

That maybe one day

She'll be able to cope.

She still dreams of the day

When she'll find that someone

Who'll bring color to her eyes

Who'll bring her to the sun.

She needs that light

That passion, that flame

To overcome

What she has became.

So she'll wait patiently

Day by solemn day

Silently wishing

The pain to go away.

This little girl

Deep in my heart

Has loved you unwaveringly

Right from the start.

I feel her inside me

In the state that she's in

And I've made my choice

To erase you from within.

So now I'll shed this solitary tear

And in this state of mind

I will move on to better days

And I will leave you behind.

Choices to be Made on the Wings of the Broken Soul

Those bright eyes of hope and joy
Are now immersed in tears of tragedy.
That avian spirit of will and passion
Is wounded from the truth behind reality.

But there is a choice to be made
While experiencing the pain of heartbreak.
To be? Or to be dejected?
This is the issue.

Misery? Or recovery?
Depression? Or shall you live again?
Questions seemingly one-sided
In the core of it all.

But never forget that there is always a choice.
There is always that other option.
Don’t be fooled by the grief.
Find the light within the darkness.

Use that will.
Feel that passion.
With these in mind,
The answer is evident.

Wounds will heal.
The present will become the past.
Keep close, the memories.
They will keep you afloat
In the salty seas of despair.

Wipe away those tears of tragedy.
Mend those wounds cut so deeply.
Reveal those bright eyes once more.

Fly again.